Archive for the ‘Myself’ Category

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Train Roll On

Friday, January 8th, 2010

What gets you through tough times? I lost the only cushion I’ve found so now it’s back to square one. My Tuesday is gone. :-( I’m listening to some music, it’s rough. “My baby’s gone with the wind…”

“I don’t know… ohhh where I’m going… I just want to be left alone…”

I’m working on healing here both mentally and physically. I’m exercising my arm regularly as part of my physical therapy. In a few weeks I’ll be good to go and then I’m moving. I’ll get a job for the interim and I’m going to try to become a police officer. :-) I’ve decided I want to serve my community. I also want to get into some volunteer work. I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing on that front but I feel a need to serve mankind. I’m looking for happiness and I’m not getting it by serving just my own interests. Speaking of which, there’s some old toys from many years ago that I’d like to donate to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. Will this be my calling? I can’t say. It’s just something I gotta do. I feel sorry for the folks that depend on a job and feel they are stuck to it. I’ll do what I need to do to survive but I’ll be damned if I stay somewhere because I feel I have no other choice. If that job isn’t doing it for me, if it doesn’t make me happy… I’m moving on. Whether it’s a great paying job or shit it doesn’t matter. If there’s no happiness there it isn’t worth it to me.

“Tuesday… she… she had to be free… but somehow I got to carry on…”

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Quick Update

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

I’m typing on one hand here.

The surgery appears to be successful. I was in a cheery mood I suppose - I joked around to put the staff at ease. I’m sure they love an easy patient and I was sure to thank them all.

I woke up from surgery and it’s really hard because you want to sleep. I remember last time with the nurse bugging me so I tried hard. I was semi-conscious most of the time. I asked what I had to wake up for and immediately a name popped in my head. Whoops, oh well. I wanted to tell her about my nurse missing my vain twice, she would have gotten a kick out of that. Ha, the nurse even said I had good veins – they’re large and easy to see. Yet she was digging around in there with the needle. No big deal. I’ll get back to this later, my hand is tired.

Update: Where was I? The nurse brought out the lidocaine which I told her was unnecessary. She insisted and stuck me with it and proceeded with the 20 gauge in my hand. She poked around but couldn’t get the vain. I was teasing her making her more nervous. She mentioned something about her kids at home would be getting sick or something. I told her needles didn’t bother me like that and to take her time. So she tries again this time up on my arm. She finds the vain and I tell her “no” for sure on the lido. She sticks me and I can feel her tapping the vain but not sticking it. She tried for a few minutes frustrated and with me laughing. This reminded me of two incidents before – one was my own. I know it helped ease the tension since I wasn’t freaking out but she insisted she wasn’t doing it a third time. I told her practice makes perfect and to go ahead but she grabbed a male nurse. She teased me back saying they should use me for practice rounds for the trainees and I quipped right back that she might want to go first. We all laughed. The male nurse got it the first time though he took his time also commenting on my veins. I ought to use that as a future pickup line “check out my good veins.” Ha, whatever. He was cool too, I saw him in the recovery area and bade goodbye to him as I left.

Needles and blood don’t bug me. She looked at me weird when I didn’t want a nerve block and even moreso when I wanted to be awake for the procedure. The latter was a no-go but I did forego the block and am happy that I did.

That took forever to type one handed and I’m beat. Oy.

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Happy New Year?

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Who gets dumped on New Year Day? Only an awesome loser like me does. ;-) Am I really smiling… ummm no but I can poke fun at myself. I’m working on letting go. I had a few moments yesterday that caught me off guard big time. This morning I woke up from a dream… I can’t control those damnit. Normally I’d love that dream but I wake up sad and in pain.

The Steelers pulled off a win on the Dolphins. At the same time the Texans came back and beat the Patriots effectively ending our playoff run. We’d have to have the Ravens AND Broncos lose in addition to the Jets. I’ll be dipped if the Chiefs didn’t kick the Broncos’ ass. YES! However, the Ravens barely won so that was it. It didn’t matter in either scenario because the Bungles laid down completely and just got thrashed by the Jets. That game sucked so bad I turned it off and I hope the NFL and NBC lost money on that garbage. 7 total yards of offense in the first half for the Bungles? Embarrassing.

There will be 3 re-matches of this week’s team in the playoffs. Crazy, huh? Cowboys/Eagles, Bungles/Jets, and Packers/Cardinals.

My picks:

  • Eagles – hard pick, the Cowgirls have been on a roll recently but given the past few years I’m leaning towards the Eagles. I can’t stand either Romo or McNabb so I don’t care which one wins.
  • Jets – normally I’d pick the Bungles but losing a few in a row and that badly to the Jets is not a good combination. Plus they are plagued with injuries. Home field may not mean jack now. I think they’d been better off against the Texans.
  • Packers – let’s see where to start. One of the best passing defenses in the NFL and that’s all the Cards have. Boldin is out and while Fitzgerald is good I think he’s highly overrated by folks jumping on that bandwagon. Packers’ offense can get it done too. Coming off this win I think they’ll hand them another buttwhoopin’.
  • Ravens – I was going to give this one to the Patriots but Brady apparently broke some fingers yesterday. Ravens’ have a D and with the Pats’ O looking shaky this may be the shift those Ratbirds need. Mediocre is a good way to describe both the offense of Baltimore and the defense of New England.
  • No matter who wins I think the Chargers and Colts will beat those incoming teams. After that I’m going with the Chargers for the AFC win.
  • I can’t quite call the NFC like that. Normally I’d say the Saints and Vikings have it but both have been shaky the past few weeks. I think the Packers could beat either one, more likely the Saints.
  • I’m going to call Vikings and Chargers in the Super Bowl and I’m actually going with the Chargers for the win.
  • Key factor here – the Saints and Colts taking it easy after clinching. Those numerous losses and not being fresh will be a curse. History shows that. They should have went for all or nothing. I know the risk of injury, look at all the injuries. As a competitor I’d want to give it my all otherwise the win would seem hollow.

I’ll schedule a post for tomorrow since I’m going under the knife for some outpatient surgery. Should they fuck up and I die oh well. No real loss to me. ;-) I’ve got nothing to live for at the moment so it’s all whatever. I guess that’s why it’s the best time to do it now. Afterwards I’ll try to get back on my horse and live life.

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Sports And Stuff

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

I just did some reading last night and watched UFC 108. It featured Rashad Evans vs Thiago Silva. Rashad was working on his ground and pound surprisingly and took Silva down many times. He dominated the first two rounds leaving some sort of knockout as Thiago’s only hope. He realizes this and taunts Rashad to take a swing at him for most of the third round. He’d wave him over or drop his guard and stick his face out. It’s tempting to beat the shit out of him but Rashad is smart and kept back. Unfortunately during one exchange a counter nailed Rashad stunning him. Silva jumped on him quick but Rashad managed to stay up and not get knocked out. He would clinch up on him to prevent a further beating. Joe Rogan starts saying how Silva needs to act now (they separated and had their hands at their sides catching their breaths.) He was right, don’t let Evans recover. But Silva is an idiot and let him recover only to get tied up for the last minute and thirty seconds leaving it to decision which easily went to Rashad. I was happy with the whole fight card, every one featured submissions and ground and pound and on the feet action. They may not have been big names but it was fun to watch. This one might have been worth $40. Go figure.

I also watched the UK vs UofL game yesterday. It was scrappy from the getgo, Bledsoe fouls a few seconds into the game (bullshit call) and he’s going off. Calipari has to bench him so he cools down. Not but 30 seconds later 3 technical fouls are assessed in a mini-brawl. This shit is getting real and the record 24k+ crowd in Rupp Arena is about to explode. This rivalry has far reaching implications in the Bluegrass. Neither team can hit a basket in the first half and the defense played is stellar. Fouls are flying left and right easily hitting the one and one bonus with 10 to go in the first. By the second half Louisville manages to cut the lead after a 5 point swing when Patterson misses a wide open dunk (BRICK) and they nail a trey. They get up one point 42-41 before John Wall (who is back in the game from a cramp) finally gets back in rhythm and tears ‘em apart. It’s tense up to the buzzer but UK retains the lead at around ten points with some rare missed free throws from Wall. Kentucky extends the unbeaten record to 15-0.

Today is a day of relax and rest for me. I’m going to watch football all day to keep my mind busy. I need the Steelers to win and the Texans and Jets to lose. Unfortunately, the teams they’re playing may rest their starters fucking our chances for the playoffs. I have a few bills to get in order but that’s it.

I was thinking and figured that if Ms. Sexy X is happier without me in her life then that’s what I want. Hey, I may not be as happy but oh well. I’ve always been interested in her happiness so if this is what it takes I’ll accept that. Only she can answer that and I guess she has. I don’t have to like the decision but I’d never force myself upon anyone so I have to move on. That’s hard and will take a lot of time. As stated above I try to keep busy but many times I slip up. If I ask myself ”is my life better off without MSX?” I’d answer no in a heartbeat. Someone that is super smart, can make me laugh all the time, and has such a huge heart, and cares about me. That is a no-brainer. I want ME to be happy but not at her expense. Fare thee well, my love. ;-) I hope she finds happiness wherever she goes.

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Posted in College Basketball, Ms. Sexy X, Myself, NFL, Steelers, UFC, University of Kentucky | No Comments »

Update 12 Hours Later

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

I wonder if I apologized immediately for my stupidity if that would have made a difference. Listen to yourself when your gut tells you something, I knew it that night and I did nothing. Instead I waited and then when nothing happened I just ignored it. She didn’t confirm it but I know her. Why do I have to be so dense?

So being at work today was just about the hardest thing to do. To make it worse it was absolutely dead so all I could do was think. I had to go to the bathroom a few times to catch my breath. We traded our last emails early this morning.

There’s other women out there, I know. You just know it when you find someone so perfect for you. She teases me about putting her on a pedestal, hell I don’t care to admit that I do. Honestly she’s got everything I could want in a woman so why wouldn’t she be perfect? I even bought a ring months ago, I don’t know when I’d give it to her but things were going smooth and I figured a year down the road, maybe 2 years. I guess that makes me an idiot. I don’t regret it, it just seems as if life likes to throw fucking wrenches at all of us.

How am I coping? I don’t know yet as I obviously have just begun. I knew this was coming for a while as evidenced by past posts. I’ve been in a depression for quite a while. My current plan is to move and pursue my interests. I just wish I knew exactly what I wanted. I’m not alienating my family anymore so than normal but I’ve liberated myself from them. I’m going to do what I want to do. It’s a selfish thing but fuck it. I can’t be stuck in this hell hole forever. I have an urge to just go.

I’m so tired. I’m down. I did eat, I’m hungry but don’t have an appetite. I’ll force myself to eat as I’ve been down this road before. It’s going to be tough because many things remind me of her. I miss her already.

Update: Hindsight is 20/20… it’s almost completely worthless. While a great learning tool, something much more valuable would be foresight. If only life were so easy. Just got done talking with a friend. No real insights, I guess I just needed to talk and he listened. It’d be nice to give him all the details but I’m too private a person. He gets it though. I’m still fucking hungry and tired. I managed to drink a Pepsi but that’s it. I’ve got a long night ahead of me. I hope sleep overtakes me.

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Down In A Deep Hole

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

Last night was my final call with Ms. Sexy X. I guess that was the “official” breakup. I didn’t see it coming tonight when I answered the phone but that’s the way it is. I miss her already god damnit.

We talked it out and I didn’t want to but knew it was going to happen. I say I didn’t see it coming but I did perhaps not last night but soon. Things weren’t meshing and the following was the final straw:

A key bit of advice for all gentlemen out there: don’t teasingly joke about checking out other women or them checking you out even if it’s not true. It degrades her and isn’t respectful. I’m not saying things wouldn’t have ended similarly but I fucked myself in the end on that one. It is juvenile. She’s got a great sense of humor but even that is going too far.

I know I did it before. Women: let your guys know they’re being idiots. Please. I knew it the last time I sent it and wanted to take it back. I had looked back that very same night and realized it was a jackass move but it was too late. I knew right away what it was but I thought surely that couldn’t end a relationship. It can. Oy. I feel like shit for doing that and making her cry.

I have to go to work now and I don’t want to. One foot at a time. I missed out on one of the greatest people out there. I’m a damned fool.

I have to move on but the pain will come first. It always does. I wish I could just disappear or stick my head in sand. I guess I know what that bad feeling was the other day, to go along with my depression.

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First Post Of 2010

Friday, January 1st, 2010

I’m bummed out already. Tip for the youngsters out there – pace yourself when drinking. Going full retard too quick results in some good ol’ barfing. I hit the point of no return so I didn’t care. ALWAYS drink water before passing out. I did and guess what? ;-) No hangover the next morning. My stomach was a tad off but I gave it a few hours and I was HUNGRY!

I went shooting out in the sticks with some friends. I guess my headphones didn’t do the best job as my ears ring a bit still. I “chopped” down a small tree with an AR15 and my Kimber .45ACP. It was fun but soooo fucking cold. I’m talking 10 degrees in this little holler. We shot water bottles and the water froze shortly after exploding. I was dressed for it but the fingers are always the weak point. I had chili which was WONDERFUL especially after freezing my ass off. That greasy goodness just hit that “hangover” craving perfectly and warmed me up. I smashed 3 bowls of it.

Now I’m chilling in bed after a short nap. I’ve got Munchos and Gatorade at my side. I wish I could shake this funk. I just feel empty. :-( I know what I’m missing. Ms. Sexy X called last night but I missed the call. I tried calling back right after but reception was shitty so I’m not sure if she heard it. It’s been almost 2 weeks now since I talked with her last. :-( It’s going straight to voicemail now. Ugh.

I don’t have any food in the house right now. I’m hungry but I don’t know what for. I might make a huge batch of mac and cheese. I think I’ll watch a movie.

I wish I had something more exciting for this post but to me it’s just another (shitty) day. I’m almost there, to my jumping off point. A few more days then it’s time to start arranging my move. I have to. I was thinking about that today passing through the hills where there’s trailers and dinky little houses with shit piled all around it. Perhaps that’s what they want but I assume they got stuck with the situation and never tried to improve it. I plan giving it my all so I never end up like that. I wouldn’t mind a house in the woods, not at all. But these are on little plots that looks like someone squatted there long ago.

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I Created The Sound Of Sadness

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

Okay so I admit that’s not terribly clever but I don’t care. It kinda made me smile for a second today. Today I have been sooooo tired. I wasn’t feeling too well this morning either. Here’s a key – when you drink a bit of beer the previous night always drink some water and gatorade. Rehydration is the key. Now I didn’t have but 5 so that was nothing but I also had a bunch of spicy pizza and let’s just say the BS hit this morning. I had forgotten to drink anything so I was a little dehydrated as well. The key here was to eat greasy food when I felt better and keep drinking water.

That’s not the only thing though. (Oh wow, I just had a burp that tasted like a beer… almost 24 hours later. Weird.) Where was I? Ah yes. I’ve been feeling down all day like something bad is about to happen. I’m not sure what but it has me depressed.

I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m going to move but I don’t know what will happen thereafter. Am I afraid? Strangely, no. I have to get out of this place, I’m going nuts. I need something. Will I stay where I go? I hope so but I can’t say with any certainty. It’s a big move. I have to get closer to MSX. This is what *I* want. I’m doing it for me and hopefully for her. If not, oh well, this is what I want to do. I never mean to discredit her opinion but I know I put her in an awkward position of making it feel like she is making me do this. Hell no, I’ve been thinking about moving forever and now is the time. I don’t care if she’ll be gone for a while by the time I get there. She will be back. I must be with her. Sigh. The anxiety will come, there IS some fear there but for the moment I’m good. Will she be there when I get there? How will things go? What about my job? There’s mounds of what-ifs but I’m just saying “fuck it” and doing it. I won’t let life pass me by, I’m going after what I want.

My boss told me yesterday I have good leadership skills. I can see that but I’ve never really been in that position before. I don’t want to lead, that’s not my style, but if I’m stuck in the position I will do it. I haven’t really thought about it beyond that. What I was thinking mostly of today was where am I going? What do I want to do? What do I love that would make for a good job?

I love guns. I love the beauty of them and the mechanics and the physics. I like figuring out how machines work. I like football. I like video games. Can any of those be made into a useful skill? I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been pondering all day. That and I’ve been thinking about MSX, things that should be and other stuff. I was a little worried about her again. Sigh. Why do I have to be so stupid at times? And why does life have to throw such curveballs?

I’m tired, I’m cranky, I’m sad. That’s the wrap up of my day. Like most people except I have a private blog to bitch on. Fuck off!

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Long Road To Healing

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

This past week has been “the suck” to steal an old river phrase. Work was busy as hell. I work retail for the time being and I’m done with it. Why am I still around? It’s a job and I’m looking to move on now but I’m waiting a little while longer. I need to make the move here in a little while and it’s a guaranteed job until I get settled and start sending out resumes. So I have to tough it out just a little bit longer.

I didn’t celebrate Christmas. I just didn’t feel like it. I have some depression going on but it’s not that. I just feel empty. It wasn’t really a big deal to me. I made a delicious lasagna.

I talked to Ms. Sexy X last Saturday and before we got off I asked her to call Christmas day to which she said she would. She didn’t. :-( She did send a text. I guess that’s something. I’m not going to push either. It just sucks. I’m not getting any gifts but that’s the one thing I’d like is to just hear her voice. Oh well. Will she call tonight? I’m not counting on it. Before she was in the hospital, I knew she couldn’t manage a call. Now that I know she can and doesn’t, well it hurts. I know why I guess. It still sucks though. I miss her so badly.

Today I went to the bar with a friend to watch the Steelers game. There must have been 50+ fans in there and 3 Ravens fans. The Ravens fans got all cocky when they picked Ben off for a touchdown but it was cancelled due to a hold. I was laughing because they had rubbed it in and the whole place erupted and rubbed into their faces. That game was crazy, talk about two evenly matched teams. Penalties killed the Ratbirds and our stellar defense and run game are hard to be found in the second half of this season. There’s still playoff contention if the Broncos lose tonight and the Texans lose next week and of course the Steelers win. The Jets need to lose but the fucking Colts are playing their 2nd and 3rd strings so the Jets will win this. Hopefully the Bungles will beat them next week.

I’m just depressed right now. I know MSX is the one for me but I am stuck in limbo here on that. My job is dead end and I’m nervous about the move. I’ll have to do what it takes because I can’t just sit here and let life pass me by. Another 10 days and I can start to put things in motion.

Fuck it. I’m going.

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Just Dropped In (No LSD)

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

I feel nothing and I feel everything. Let me clarify… I feel nothing as far as joy or happiness and I feel everything that is painful and sad. Blah. I’m working on it. I hate depression, this shit is… well depressing. Yes, I made a little joke. I almost cracked a grin on it. Unfortunately I’m not new to this but it never seems to get easier.

I hate this cold weather. I’m ready to move to someplace much warmer. I want to run on the beach again as it is easier on the knees. I ain’t old but I do have an injury which this weather is killing me on and my knees don’t take too kindly to it either. I’ve stopped running regularly because of that and it’s not like I weigh that much? I must be doing something wrong. Granted I switched shoes since then but I’ve all but stopped. I just need the right circumstances. I have big plans ahead of me and no idea how hard this journey will be but I must take it. I’m excited and nervous. I got the whole anxiety bullshit working against me. Thanks to it I may have ruined a relationship – I fucking hope not but it’s a waiting game now.

What was I rambling on about? Oh yes, the anxiety. That’ll be fun starting a new job as I never look forward to the first month where I’m nice and sick and timid. Fuuuuuck that. But I gotsta. I have a technique that works but it’s so fucking hard to do (even in its simplicity.) It’s all mental and I know it but that doesn’t stop it so it takes a concentrated mental effort to push on.

An important note to self: when busy at work don’t drink two Irish Carbombs right before coming back in… being buzzed seems to be counterproductive.

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Now I Wait My Whole Lifetime…

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

I don’t remember when I posted last. Nothing new has really happened. I found my mistake and apologized though I don’t know if she forgave me for it. I’ve been feeling like shit day in and day out.

I think she’ll give me a second chance eventually and I feel she still loves me… just hurt. So all I can do is wait. I wish I’d keep my mouth shut. I’m a moron. :-(

I plan on doing nothing all day. I was going to try to workout or clean but I just don’t feel like it. That may change later but I’m depressed. It’d be much worse but thankfully she called and I got to talk with her earlier.

I can’t wait to get going. I’m holding off for a month and then I’ll get it in motion. I still don’t know what I’m doing day to day but I have a very rough estimate of where I want to be going and I know what I want my final goal to be. Getting started is always the hardest part. I don’t have any qualms about it though.

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Busy Days Help

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

I was right, the 4th was so very hard on me. I had the day off and it just hit me. I tried cleaning to keep my mind off of it but I’d just breakdown over and over. I did manage to clean my incredibly messy room… I always let it go to shit when I tumble into depression. I just start throwing anything anywhere. Well, I was tired of the mess and it just further depressed me. I was intending to keep busy so I couldn’t think but I failed. Alas, I finally got it clean, my laundry all washed, the kitchen clean, and my bathroom clean. It felt really good despite the fact that I felt like shit. I ended up going over to a friend’s to play Call of Duty until 2AM. I got home and in bed by 3AM only to get up at 6AM.

Yesterday was much easier but not entirely better. The lack of sleep wasn’t fun. I was busy at work all day when my boss sprung a surprise project on me. We were horribly understaffed until 1PM. It’s alright as I went on a 3 hour lunch at 12 so that I could watch UK beat UNC. John Wall dominated the first half only to come out in the second with bad cramps. We had a commanding lead that just shrivelled up. I don’t feel like breaking down the game but suffice it to say we need to work on free throws bad and learn to kick the ball out to our perimeter when they double down the big guys.

I went back to work for just an hour before leaving to go over to a friend’s to watch the SEC Championship game. Alabama beat Florida… well destroyed is a better word. I was happy. Tebow is good and all but he doesn’t make me a bandwagon Florida fan like a lot of people seem to be doing. I don’t really have a college football team but I’ll stick with USC for a few reasons. (That’d be SoCal and NOT SoCar.)

After that we made some delicious burgers. They’re at least a quarter pound each. I had two which was a HUGE mistake. I was sooooo full. Ms. Sexy X called me and talked for about 20 minutes which was great. Unfortunately I was at a friend’s and at the very end I felt like throwing up. She sounded wonderful though and that was the highlight of my day for sure. I think she misses me but I know she won’t say. She’s set her mind for the moment so maybe one day she will but I just have to wait. :-( I get where she’s coming from when she does that but I wish she’d open up to me again. Afterall, it’s just us. I’ll wait for her… I love her. :-)

So I almost threw up. I was in the bathroom for a good bit, I walked around outside in the BRISK 20 degree weather to help. I stood for the first part of the Ultimate Fighter.

The whole card was actually entertaining. I was disappointed with Matt beating Marcus. Matt is such an idiot saying they both have “retard strength” on live TV. Really? I laughed at how stupid he could be. McSweeney beat Schoonover which I did want. Hamill beat Jones though Hamill got beat down so badly. Jones got DQ’d for illegal vertical elbow drops to the face. I never heard of them doing a DQ… wouldn’t it be a NC? Interesting. Jones should have won but the ref wouldn’t call it. Kimbo Slice beat Houston Alexander (who has an uncanny resemblence to the rapper Common.) The first round was completely boring with Houston literally dancing around the ring for the whole fucking thing. The second round started the same way with weak leg kicks to Kimbo’s bad knee. Not a bad game plan but put some power behind that shit. Kimbo slammed him down a few times and dominated the second round. The third round they were both tired and there were some takedowns and punches exchanged but it was slow and went to the bell where they both were exhausted. By unanimous decision Kimbo won which I agree with. Now given his age and bad knee… I can see him fighting a few more times but I certainly don’t expect him to last. The last fight featured Brenden Shaub and Roy Nelson. Guess who fucking won? Yeah the fatass did. I do give him credit, he actually put up a much better fight this time. Clearly Shaub needed to stay on his feet which he figured out after shoving that lardass off of him with one hand (WOW!) They were trading licks after that. Nelson gets gassed quick so dancing around to the second round would have worked but instead they exchange punches again except this time Nelson catches Shaub with a HUGE right hook to the ear which puts him to sleep. He punched him once more on the ground but Shaub was dazed and the ref stepped in to signal the knockout. Am I disappointed? You bet but oh well.

Chuck Lidell and Tito Ortiz are the next coaches for the middleweight TUF. Why the washed up Chuck? I guess he gets ratings and is friends with Dana. I wanted to see Georges St. Pierre coach. This next Saturday is a huge fight card in UFC  107. I’ll watch for sure.

I went home after that as my stomach was still iffy. This morning I feel fine (knock on wood.) I wish I could have talked longer with her. I probably won’t hear from her again for another week if not two weeks. That sucks. :-(

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