I still have my moments of loneliness and depression but thankfully it’s not too bad and lasts a short while. When they come I just get up and leave, drive to a scenic spot and just relax. I can stare at the mountains or the clouds or the water and drift away. I’m still heartbroke and that takes its toll on me even though I try not to let it. I have my mask on but even it breaks on occasion. Fuck, why do I still have feelings of love and heartache? I wish it was easy as moving on or getting callous. I had a deep connection – I don’t regret that at all. She’s still my best friend but it sure makes it harder. Life is just hard, I struggle and push on in it and that’s what I have to do here. I don’t care about anything anymore, at least that’s what I tell myself. I’m capable of caring but I think throwing up a wall is easier in the beginning and end so why bother with anything else? Heyyyyy, that almost sounds callous except I might just be foolin’ myself. Awwwesome!

I’m just laying in bed all morning until I go into work. Fuck everything else. I’m tired. Nope, I’m not sleepy or weak. I’m just tired… maybe mentally. I’m watching Sports Center which gets repetitive quick. Fuck me.

I did go golfing yesterday. I regret cutting our conversation short badly. I have to get over that. I had already planned out this golf outing, not expecting her to call. I could have probably talked another hour or two with her. Sigh. And for what did I miss it? A horrible golf game. I suck at this sport but for some reason I keep wasting my money to play it. I’m an idiot of epic proportions. I didn’t care there, I just tried to have fun. I was goofing off on the tee box, on the greens, on the golf carts. It was actually fun in that regards. I rode on the side of the cart for the last 3 holes. My brother tried getting me to fall or run me into branches and shit. It didn’t work. I almost tipped the cart twice rocking.

What’s going on in the sports world? Jay Cutler is still a huge douche. He’ll never be good and I’m glad he got stuck with the Bears. Fuck him. I hope he gets boo’d out of Mile High Stadium this weekend.

Michael Vick played yesterday. I couldn’t watch the game but from the replays it looks like he’s still as mediocre as ever. It looked like McNabb was upset which I don’t really care since McNabb is exactly the same. This ought to be funny since they both think they’re awesome or something. Hopefully, they’ll be bickering all season long.

The Dallas Cowgirls have put up an obnoxiously huge TV in their new stadium and for some ingenious reason they didn’t consult any punters. You know, the guys that kick the ball super high. That would have been smart, huh Jerry? You’re an idiot, your whole organization is a joke. They just started figuring it out with their first game? You mean to tell me no one practiced even prior to that? Dole out the money to raise it up, it’s apparent you don’t have a problem to spend a ton already on an overrated but crappy team. No one wants to see replays over and over because a punter is doing his job. You’re going to delay games and make this shit reviewable. Good game.

Byron Leftwich had left the Steelers and apparently went to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the off season. I missed that one. It’s good for him and he looks like he’s doing well. He had some issues where he completely missed wide open guys but he’ll get it. I was impressed when he played backup after Batch and Roethlisberger got hurt last season. I like Dixon as well, either one could do a good job. I’m sure Leftwich will be the starter come season start.

Brandon Marshall got suspended from the team because he’s a grade ‘A’ asshole. He was aquitted of charges of battery on his girlfriend. That doesn’t mean he is innocent. He created this trouble for himself now he’s reaping what he sowed. Instead of coming back this season to show us a better side by keeping a good attitude, playing well, and keeping out of trouble he decides to skip the high road and just act like a little bitch which led to his suspension.

My weekend preview is Patriots play the Redskins tonight at 8PM EST on CBS. Sunday has the Bears going to Denver which ought to be interesting given the quarterbacks (on NBC, same time.) The game will most likely suck though. Houston will take on the Vikings Monday on ESPN once again at 8PM EST. Then you have UFC on Saturday night, Randy Couture is fighting Antonio Noguiera. Thiago Silva is taking on Keith Jardine as well. I’m going to go with Nog and Thiago as the winners.

The 11th episode of True Blood is Sunday night at 9PM EST. Just two left for the year. Damn.

And one quick rant. I HATE ESPN’s website where the stupid video players automatically start. I’m on wireless and it just bogs me down. I can push play if I want to see that crap and trust me when I say I don’t.

Can my day get any awesomer? I doubt it. Fuck all.