I keep going down in fucking flames. It’s as if every action I take is the absolute wrong choice. It’s getting to me.
I ended a friendship today. It hurt badly. I couldn’t commit to a wedding. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been planning my shit for months on end now. Then I have several people I know getting married and it’s at the worst possible time for me. I tried not being selfish but I can’t do that anymore. I’m miserable. I wanted to make some of those weddings but other issues have forced my hand. I cannot do it. I cried when he sent a text to end the friendship. I kind of expected his response but I didn’t expect my emotional response. I hurt.
I already lost my girlfriend/best friend due to my stupidity. Now him. I’ve pretty much ostracized myself from my family for other personal reasons. Here I am alone again and miserable. Yay me.
I know I have to work through this. I’m almost there to my goal. I just put in to quit at my job. I’m moving on with my life.
I am thoroughly depressed and it keeps getting worse every fucking day even though I try to look up I keep getting dragged back down. I cannot escape this hole I’m in at this rate. I must keep trying. :-(
