I’ll make this quick. I salvaged some friendships but not before dipping down into some deep depression. I got help from my good friend MSX, she’s a saint in her own way. It’s always a pleasure talking with her. I’m still down but there’s a bunch of stuff going on and I’m getting to the saturation point. It’s all coming together and I have to get it going.
I don’t even know what the fuck I’m saying. It’s only midnight but I’m retiring early tonight. I just don’t know anymore. I’m taking it a day at a time and doing it my way. I guess I’m just a lil’ bit anxious.
EDIT: It’s 22 hours later and I’ve had a few Guinness and Pepsi. There’s many things bothering me. There’s the heartbreak I still feel. I can’t help it. I know time has passed but I still love her. :-( I love talking with her as she always, always, always cheers me up. I still think about her every day and I miss her so much but I can’t say anything. Oy. Then there’s the moving situation - I’m a bit nervous at that as well as really excited too. There’s the uncertainty on getting settled down but I have faith I’ll find find my way. I don’t have anything lined up. Same goes for my job. I really am glad to be leaving my current job. The job was easy but I didn’t get any hours or money or the most important aspect – satisfaction. When there is no satisfaction to be had it is time to move on. I want to do something that makes me happy. So I have a general direction I’m going I just don’t know what will happen. It’s exciting and makes me anxious all at once. To top off this shit there’s the friend stuff, family stuff, and wedding stuff all depressing me. There really is just too much at once right now and I feel like I’m going to explode. I don’t expect a damned thing to go smoothly and if it does then hot damn I’m there. If not then don’t expect to hear any “yeah buddy” anytime soon.
