…I kissed them both goodbyyyyyyye.
I’m sneaking in a post here as I don’t know when my next chance will be. I still think about her every day and I try not to but I can’t help it. So many small things remind me of her and I just remember things that she did that I love about her. :-) I want to call her up and tell her I’m sorry for being a jackass but I know I can’t. She is right in that what I did was stupid and she’s over it and so am I. I also realized that I was “smothering” her (sorta) and not letting myself be. She didn’t mind it but at times she thought I was not doing myself any favors. I was aware of it but didn’t pull my head out of my ass. It sucks seeing yourself fail but it is also satisfying in realizing them and improving yourself.
Every day has been rough for various reasons as I’m trying to get to where I want to be. I’d love to still be with MSX but I know that isn’t happening. I’m at a shitty job. I am recovering from surgery. I just want to heal up, move, get settled, and then try for the job I want. I’m getting anxious and all those factors are working against me here.
I just wanna “…take this horse and ride it off this merry-go-round.”
