I’m constantly trying to improve myself both physically and mentally. I’ll never hit that mark even if I were the most perfect man on earth. There’s always something I can be doing better. To reach perfection you have to keep changing. The problem with that definition is there is never a place to stop, ergo it can’t be reached. That’s alright by me.
John Powell once said “I am afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and that’s all I have.”
I don’t really care about what people think about me. Well, on a level I do but since I conduct myself with moral/ethical regards I know that I’ll usually be good in other peoples’ eyes. There are certain people opinions that I do care about more than others’… especially one in particular. That’s the one that matters to me even moreso than my own. I know I’ll never hit perfection but I’ll make damned sure I try.
I do have a caveat though. I AM afraid to open up to people because if they reject those thoughts they are rejecting me. That’s why Mr. Powell’s quote hits so close to home. I guess it’s the similar as to why I don’t want to show off my body because someone might point and laugh except this is much worse. Thoughts are much more important than anything else and if I show myself, I leave myself exposed. I don’t have much and I don’t care if I didn’t have a thing but I value my integrity and thoughts and feelings and if those are taken away I am nothing. I had a hurtful comment posted early on. I left it up as a reminder. Even anonymous internet users can suck the wind outta your sails. I take them with a grain of salt but I do look to improve upon where I can.
I know I can’t reach perfection in my own eyes. I count my flaws out everyday. Gotta love self-esteem. I’m not slittin’ my wrists here, I’m just being realistic. I try to improve upon myself though. Same goes for looks… I stay very clean. I don’t dress up… not my cup of tea. I give people the real me. I also workout fairly regularly to maintain a good physique. I slacked off for several months so now I’m working at it again. Not perfect nor will it ever be in my eyes but it is actually doable.
What does it take to be perfect? Change/Adaptation & Willpower/Mindset. I groom myself for myself but I do it for my significant other too. I’d expect the same courtesy back. I have personality flaws but I work on attitude so I can be a better person. It takes work and time like everything else in life. I don’t mind it. It’s amazing what turning off the TV or computer will do for you… suddenly a lot more time is available to accomplish these things.
My perfection will be complete if I can just get rid of my depression and my anxiety problems. I know that’ll never happen.
