Okay so I admit that’s not terribly clever but I don’t care. It kinda made me smile for a second today. Today I have been sooooo tired. I wasn’t feeling too well this morning either. Here’s a key – when you drink a bit of beer the previous night always drink some water and gatorade. Rehydration is the key. Now I didn’t have but 5 so that was nothing but I also had a bunch of spicy pizza and let’s just say the BS hit this morning. I had forgotten to drink anything so I was a little dehydrated as well. The key here was to eat greasy food when I felt better and keep drinking water.
That’s not the only thing though. (Oh wow, I just had a burp that tasted like a beer… almost 24 hours later. Weird.) Where was I? Ah yes. I’ve been feeling down all day like something bad is about to happen. I’m not sure what but it has me depressed.
I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m going to move but I don’t know what will happen thereafter. Am I afraid? Strangely, no. I have to get out of this place, I’m going nuts. I need something. Will I stay where I go? I hope so but I can’t say with any certainty. It’s a big move. I have to get closer to MSX. This is what *I* want. I’m doing it for me and hopefully for her. If not, oh well, this is what I want to do. I never mean to discredit her opinion but I know I put her in an awkward position of making it feel like she is making me do this. Hell no, I’ve been thinking about moving forever and now is the time. I don’t care if she’ll be gone for a while by the time I get there. She will be back. I must be with her. Sigh. The anxiety will come, there IS some fear there but for the moment I’m good. Will she be there when I get there? How will things go? What about my job? There’s mounds of what-ifs but I’m just saying “fuck it” and doing it. I won’t let life pass me by, I’m going after what I want.
My boss told me yesterday I have good leadership skills. I can see that but I’ve never really been in that position before. I don’t want to lead, that’s not my style, but if I’m stuck in the position I will do it. I haven’t really thought about it beyond that. What I was thinking mostly of today was where am I going? What do I want to do? What do I love that would make for a good job?
I love guns. I love the beauty of them and the mechanics and the physics. I like figuring out how machines work. I like football. I like video games. Can any of those be made into a useful skill? I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been pondering all day. That and I’ve been thinking about MSX, things that should be and other stuff. I was a little worried about her again. Sigh. Why do I have to be so stupid at times? And why does life have to throw such curveballs?
I’m tired, I’m cranky, I’m sad. That’s the wrap up of my day. Like most people except I have a private blog to bitch on. Fuck off!
