I feel numb. It’s just surreal I guess. The emotions comes in waves. I’ve been pretty good at holding back between work and hanging out with a buddy but there’s times where I just can’t keep up and keep them in check. For example early morning is hard and late at night can get rough. Days off are especially rough like tomorrow will be. Today is Dec. the 3rd. There is some significance here so it’s a bit harder today. I must have listend to AIC’s “Down In a Hole” about a half dozen times already. I felt some hot tears roll down my cheeks.
I did schedule surgery, it should be relatively minor and seamless but there’s always some risk.
Life is just getting me down. I’m in misery. I miss her so much and I hate myself for fucking things up. :-( She means everything to me, she’s so perfect for me. I couldn’t make a more perfect woman if I was able to, I don’t know how I am so lucky to begin with. We’re still friends but I’m still hurtin’. Oy.
