I had a blast jet skiing today. This was my first time… solo anyways. I have a vague remembrance of riding just a tiny bit with someone but I can’t place where. Maybe not. I probably rode around 16 miles in an hour and twenty minutes.
I talked with Ms. Sexy X again. Our call got cut off yet again. That’s really starting to piss me off. I’m not sure what it was this time. She might have gotten sick or the doctor may have cut her short yet again. I just want to have one full fucking conversation with her. There’s 2 things I really wanted to get to and I was getting to and it just ended.
I’ve been struggling within myself to find a solution. To find a job, to get everything I need. I’m sick of thinking about money and how to live. I’m sure everyone else is too. Why can’t I just have happiness? I know where it lies and yet I can’t touch it. That makes me miserable.
I’m sick of everything. My eyes seek reality and I can’t find any. I’m stumbling… blinded by sorrow and love. I’m trying to figure out how the fuck to do this. The sorrow is here to stay until she comes back. The love will always be here, it’s not a problem in of itself – not by a longshot.
The main problem that I have is the need to get out of my home state. I can’t stand to be there anymore. I just have to move. Where? Well, I don’t have any ties elsewhere so any place is just as good as the next. This place I’m at now would work. I’m just trying to figure out the job situation as well as the living situation. Yikes.
