Archive for November, 2009

What’s The Deal With Twilight??

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

I haven’t seen the movies yet. There’s a reason for that. I’d really like to see them but I made a promise. Sigh. It looks like it could be quite a while before I see them. Whatever.

I did read the books. The first was the best. The second was good but it didn’t really get around to anything but it introduced a lot. Nothing happened in the third and the fourth was good but it was quite a tidy ending. I was looking forward to some wrench to be thrown in but it was a fairy tale ending. I suppose it is a fairy tale so it fits. I’m not disappointed. I read all of them in a matter of a few days. It would have been less but I’m on vacation and just left it to early morning when I wake up so fucking early that I’ve got nothing to do and at night as well.

Sadly, I can relate to Edward. The pain, the confusion, the love. He’s a romantic and old fashioned. That’s how I feel many times over. Ms. Sexy X likes it and compared me to him. I don’t mind. I see her as my Bella of sorts as well… super stubborn. Don’t you know it drives me crazy but I LOVE it?

I like the idea of good vampires and all but the story was just a tad too neat. Plus the werewolf/shapeshifters storyline was good but then it also fell too neatly into place at the end. If you like fairy tale endings this is one for you.

The only thing that bugged me was the fact that their coven had super powers throughout most all of them. I can see the Volturi’s since they sort of handpick vampires but the Cullen clan was supposed to be random. Yet the Volturi were seriously outnumbered in that prospect. It also sucks that they didn’t battle.

The other thing that got to me was Bella and her powers. Of course she has powers and of course it’s a mind thing. Why does this remind me of the Vampire Chronicles anyone? She seems like a Sookie Stackhouse ripoff if you ask me. The sex was better in those books too. I suppose it’s a different readership but still.

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The Trash Fire Is Warm

Saturday, November 7th, 2009

I had a blast jet skiing today. This was my first time… solo anyways. I have a vague remembrance of riding just a tiny bit with someone but I can’t place where. Maybe not. I probably rode around 16 miles in an hour and twenty minutes.

I talked with Ms. Sexy X again. Our call got cut off yet again. That’s really starting to piss me off. I’m not sure what it was this time. She might have gotten sick or the doctor may have cut her short yet again. I just want to have one full fucking conversation with her. There’s 2 things I really wanted to get to and I was getting to and it just ended.

I’ve been struggling within myself to find a solution. To find a job, to get everything I need. I’m sick of thinking about money and how to live. I’m sure everyone else is too. Why can’t I just have happiness? I know where it lies and yet I can’t touch it. That makes me miserable.

I’m sick of everything. My eyes seek reality and I can’t find any. I’m stumbling… blinded by sorrow and love. I’m trying to figure out how the fuck to do this. The sorrow is here to stay until she comes back. The love will always be here, it’s not a problem in of itself – not by a longshot.

The main problem that I have is the need to get out of my home state. I can’t stand to be there anymore. I just have to move. Where? Well, I don’t have any ties elsewhere so any place is just as good as the next. This place I’m at now would work. I’m just trying to figure out the job situation as well as the living situation. Yikes.

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Tough Stuff

Friday, November 6th, 2009

My week so far has been so-so. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Ms. Sexy X will be leaving especially so soon after getting out of the hospital. It’s just like her though. Honestly, if it makes her happy that’s all that matters. I know to strangers looking in this all seems weird. They don’t get it and never will so I won’t even try to explain. I don’t think anyone really follows this anyways or at least I hope not.

I’ve been up and down all week. The depression was hitting hard and probably still will. I don’t like the fact that she’s going away but I can’t stop her and I don’t like the fact she won’t meet up with me. Something happened last month that just kind of flipped that switch. It’s all whatever. I’ll just wait. Why would I do that? She’s the one. I hate waiting but that’s my resolve and when I set my mind to something… well I just lock on. I’m still trying to figure out how to make this all work out in the end.

I’m sure I’m fucked up in the head to other people’s standards but luckily for me I don’t give a fuck what they think. There’s only one person’s opinion that matters to me, only one person’s love, only one person’s care.

This place isn’t half bad. It’s definitely a tourist place and lots of old people and quiet, I rather like it. I looooove lakes too so that certainly has an appeal. I just wish I had a boat. I think now would be a good time to move here but I’m not sure what kind of jobs are in the local economy. It’d be so much easier if I had money. Ha, like a lot of things I suppose. Life sucks sometimes.

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Pain In My Heart Is For You

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

I have talked with Ms. Sexy X for two days in a row. She’s recovering and it sounds hopeful. I am so grateful for that you wouldn’t believe. So why the pain?

She’s leaving. She’s travelling. I don’t know where we are, everytime we start talking about it we get disconnected. She tried calling back last night but as soon as I answered it hung up or I couldn’t hear anything. I fucking hate cell phones.

Things don’t look good at all right now. We’re just in a state of limbo which is unfathomable to me. This last month has been crucial to me and I don’t know what happened.

I’m in a fucking motel weeping to myself. How depressing. I rack my brain constantly to find a solution when nothing is presenting itself.

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