I was reading various threads on a forum which is filled with juvenile minded men for the most part. Why? I don’t know… I just need something to keep me busy and reading helps. Sometimes I laugh at their sheer stupidity. There’s a whole cross section of topics.
The relationship threads are always so pathetic. It’s always about sex, looks, or crazy women. The answer usually involved bailing or revenge or both. I often wonder how many relationships these guys have been in or have failed. Other topics contain moral issues and much of the advice is ethically questionable. It saddens me. I know there is a lot of tongue in cheek but the sad part is knowing most believe what they write.
What I want out of life is simple. I want a family… at least a wife. I want the soulmate I can share my every thought and feeling with and share my whole life with. Kids would be most welcome too. Anything else is simply icing. I’m not worried about a job or money, it would help and I’m looking but what I want is a family and to spend time with said family. Something I never really got. My dad was always gone and I love him dearly. My mom was there but… not. I love her too. But they don’t get it when I’m trying to just go my own way. It’s not hate or spite, I simply want to go. It might be a result of upbringing but I was always the independent/stubborn/lone type anyways. I wonder if that’s an Irish trait. Hmmm. So my goals in life are seemingly simple but so very hard.
I have to find the right woman first. I know I found the right one but as you can see from my last post shit has gone sideways. She makes me laugh and smile, she consoles and listens, she confides, she shares and I share. She is perfect, I wish I could claim to be the same. I can’t begin to describe the pain. The pain of losing her hasn’t even begun to hit… probably because I don’t even know if I lost her yet. I’m still attempting to talk with her so I guess my feelings are in limbo. I still have a stabbing pain inside me for hurting her though.
I wrote this last night, I might add to it later. The greatest challenge in life is to find the right mate I think. One can make and lose money fast, become famous or powerful and bankrupt and unknown instantly, can attain dreams and break them… all this fairly easy. Finding the right one to start a relationship and maintaining said relationship is the greatest challenge of all I would think. That requires constant attention and effort. I’m not at all opposed to the challenge, I’m challenging myself constantly and it looks like I’m on the brink of failure for the moment. I’ll fight harder because she is worth it.
