I’m not even sure what happened. I said something a month ago that Ms. Sexy X didn’t like and that’s what has been causing the tension. Apparently whatever I said seems to have ended this. I wish I knew but she won’t tell me.
I don’t understand as that isn’t fair and she hasn’t mentioned it until now. I asked her once before but she said nothing was wrong though clearly something was. She hasn’t given me the chance to apologize or make amends or change. I simply don’t understand why not. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, so why do Iget one up and one down and then I’m done?
I’m literally sick to my stomach and the depression is coming back full swing. I’m very sad and not just because I think I’m losing her but because I hurt her. I hate myself for it but it’s so much worse because I don’t know what I said.
I honestly don’t know anymore. I was feeling super depressed on my vacation. I cried several times that I know of because something felt wrong. Last night and today… it’s gotten so much worse. I’m hungry but I have no appetite which always happens when I get depressed. I’m tired and sad.
I still want to be friends with her as she is my best friend. I couldn’t bear not to talk with her. I’m just ashamed at myself. She’s different and I see this and I like it. I have to be more careful and she’s worth it but somewhere I got careless and slipped up and now I must pay the piper.
This marks a very low day for me. It’s only going to get worse I fear. I don’t expect to post again for a while. I’ll try to as this is supposed to help me.
I’ve been singing Alice In Chain’s “Down in a Hole” for weeks now so I knew something was wrong. I could feel it and I’ve been sad. I’m certainly down in the hole and I am kicking myself in the teeth.
I have no idea what to do.
