Thinking about hurting Ms. Sexy X this morning made me cry in the shower. I almost did again as I walked into the back room at work. I had to focus hard to not think at all, it’s the only way to hide the pain below. I put on a false face for everyone else though they see or suspect but know not what bothers me. I cannot tell because this touches my soul and no one outside has access to myself except for her. What a predicament! And letting someone else in simply isn’t an option. I had to retreat to my car on break to let loose the tears. My stomach aches as much as my heart does. What did I do?
I did talk with her in the wee hours of the morning and sent an email. The talk was our normal talk with this mixed in. I couldn’t get her to tell me what happened. It’s like she’s shutting me out. I don’t understand why I don’t get a second chance at all. She replied to the email shortly after I sent it but it was just a blank message. I’m guessing the email fucked up. Anyways, I asked her to resend it. Am I nervous? You bet. I’m not expecting anything but as long as she’s willing to talk with me that’s all I can ask for.
