I have a love/hate relationship with cleaning. It’s so nice to have clean things, it does take your mind off of things, and there’s the personal satisfaction of doing it yourself. On the other hand it is time consuming (which can be an advantage at times,) takes hard work, usually makes you ache, you have to breathe up chemicals, you get dirty – possibly cleaning up nasty substances, and it’s boring (which can also be an advantage.) Overall, it’d be nice to have a clean place without having to do the work but I would find myself doing some of the work at times. Besides, I don’t know if I want anyone touching my stuff.
I cleaned today at work. It took hours and I made a mess and cleaned it back up after I cleaned the machine up. I’d like to get it spic and span but the angles are such that it hurts to get in there to clean and since chemicals are just put right back in it is pointless getting it spotless. I did make sure it was damned clean though. The chemicals reek and stain. It ate up all my time but I’m feeling the soreness in my bad hand.
I’m feeling better today. I have no idea where things are going, I’m going to keep trying to work hard to move forward in a good direction with my Ms. Sexy X. I have to take it one step at a time and hope she comes around. I’m trying, that’s all I can do. Yes, she is that important to me. People may not understand my resolve but when I lock onto something I want there’s no stopping me. (I mean that in a totally non-creepy way. I know, you’re laughing and saying “yeah right!”) I love her and miss her terribly. I know she knows that. I know she misses me and loves me. She’s just struggling right now and I’m stuck not being able to support her properly. I’d give up forever to touch her. I want to give the world to her but I know not how. It pains me deeply, it strikes at my manhood… my pride. Blah.
Tonight I’m going to grill up some shrimp and watch MNF at a friend’s place. That’s about 2 hours away. I think for now I’ll chill outside since it’s actually bearable and I plan on watching the sunset.
How can something so beautiful be in so much pain? A cruel twist indeed.
