I’m in a terrible mood right now. Yesterday wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. Today isn’t turning out well. I have to go to work and after work I’m going to grill and watch the game with a friend.
I’m just worried and that’s making me angry. Well, actually I’m making myself angry so I don’t worry as much. Ms. Sexy X was supposed to call a few nights ago and never did. Okay, fine. But her phone has been going straight to voicemail for 3 days which is extremely unusual. She never keeps her phone off. If she doesn’t want to answer, she won’t. It’s that simple. She’s been in poor signal areas before and the battery has run down before but it’s never, ever been this long of no contact. Something just doesn’t feel right and that scares me shitless. I’m trying very hard not to think of it but that ends up being the only thing I think about. I fucking hate that.
The worst part is if it’s something simple. If she just turned it off or something. Why? Because she could have called, texted, emailed, or done something to let me know so I wouldn’t worry like this. She knows I will worry myself sick, literally. I can’t help it. I try not to but it’s part of this damned anxiety. I’m working on it. I just don’t want to be working on that shit right now when she’s so far from me.
So as you can tell, I’m pissy and I’m all over the place. That’s why my last few posts are brief and blah. I have this sense of urgency building up for me to go to her regardless of what she would say. What am I to do? The only thing holding me back is her sayso.
I fucking hate being this far from her and I fucking hate being in the dark. Unfortunately, the feeling of hate doesn’t get anyone anywhere so I just have to let that go. I still wish for her to call me everyday and just say the one word I’m holding on. I’m as good as there by the next day. Fuck me, I can’t win.
