Who hates mother issues? I guess I have one. Why? Who knows.
Ever since I can remember I’ve never been close to either of my parents. I don’t talk with them deeply or anything, I keep stuff to myself. Why? That’s just who I am. I’ve never felt comfortable opening up to them. I really don’t give a shit what factors went into that and I won’t even attempt to analyze that as it doesn’t matter, I am who I am and I’m not changing. Ms. Sexy X has a great relationship with her parents and I think that’s wonderful. Is it my cup of tea? No, but it doesn’t bother me. I don’t care if my siblings have a great line of communication with my folks, that’s their prerogative.
What has me so riled up tonight? My mom called to talk. I knew it and I almost didn’t answer. Why did I answer? I’m trying to not be rude because I’d never hear the end of it and besides, they are my parents and I don’t want to be completely mean to them. However, tonight I ended up being perturbed. I knew exactly what was coming and it happened. She kept up some boring ass chit chat which I had zero interest in. I listen to be polite but she knows I hate talking on the phone so I’m getting annoyed. She knows I have no interest in whatever she’s telling me. Then she starts asking me little questions and I have brief answers which only upsets her. I haven’t talked before, I’m not going to start now. I told her that. She asks if she should take it personal. I’ve only told her 5+ times before not to. What’s this all about? I know exactly what and it shows as soon as she says “well you talk to MSX for hours, why not me?” I tell her she isn’t MSX nor will she ever be. She asks what’s the difference. I ask her what’s the difference between dad and her parents and of course she starts to bullshit me saying she was close… blah, blah, blah. That’s irrelevant, there’s a difference and she knows it. Anyways, I tell her the only way I can keep in contact with MSX is over the phone so I have to. I don’t care much for it and MSX knows that but I’ll gladly talk with her. Once I’m with her I won’t need to use the phone.
Then I told my mom I know exactly what this is about. She’s jealous of MSX and her getting my time. She denies that vehemently but it’s obvious and I know she’s only lying to herself if not to me. I’m tired of this bullshit. I warned her that if she keeps doing this it’s only going to get worse. I’m not going to answer her call next time. She’ll do the same damned thing.
I can’t wait to move. I’m not going to tell her where either and I plan on changing my phone number eventually. That last part isn’t to escape her, I just want a different phone number but it’s an added bonus. I mean, I plan on talking to her on occasion but I’m not about to be annoyed by her either. She’s making me think of moving far away a lot sooner.
I’m just annoyed right now. That just messed up my night. I’m bored but more importantly – I’m lonely. I yearn for my Ms. Sexy X and I can’t do shit right now. Did I mention I was going out to her next month? :-D Yes, indeedy. Nothing is certain but I will be there. I wrote her another letter yesterday. I haven’t finished it but it’s almost done. I’ll mail it off at the end of the month so it gets there around the 1st of October. I plan on doing at least one more 2 weeks prior to me leaving. I’m getting super nervous and I love it.
I’m still riding the high of talking with her a few days ago. Of course I miss her and wish she’d call but it is what it is. I know she needs space every now and then and I know it’s hard for her to call so I’m not complaining. I’m just so grateful when she does answer or calls.
I’m watching Monday Night Football but this game holds zero interest for me and I’m in a terribly pissy mood now. I’m about to have a great fucking night.