I swung back into depression. I’m feeling better now. I listened to New Radicals “You Get What You Give” a bunch of times in a row. Ms. Sexy X is feeling discouraged and I get worried.
Life isn’t fair. I wish I had answers, I wish I had wisdom, I wish I could take pain away. It just ain’t so.
My goal is to be with her and to support her 100%. I’m failing on both fronts and that’s what’s eating me up. I need a kick in the ass.
I started this post when I got up. I feel better now, I did indeed give myself a kick. I’ve been smiling all day afterwards. She’s my darling.
I ended mowing the lawn which was a bitch because it’s on a hill and I have to use this old push mower and I let it grow to about 6 inches. I talked with my friend for about an hour. We didn’t get anywhere, I told him my thoughts on my problems and he told me about his problems. I mean, just telling each other helped but advice is hard to come by.
I did laundry and then decided to go outside and lay out in the sun. It was cool but I felt perfect in the sun. It wasn’t hot. I’m not sure if it did me any good. I put on Crest White Strips prior to that and switched out a load of laundry. I fell asleep lying on a towel on the deck. It wasn’t the most comfortable ever but somehow I slept fine for about 45 minutes. Fuck it, I ain’t complaining. I showered and tried to sleep in my bed only to not sleep for 1.5 hours. It was rest though.
I ended my day on the rooftop. Wait, what? You heard me right. I was tired of only catching the start of the sunset because houses blocked my view. So I decided to climb up top and watch. It takes me about 15 seconds to get up there so it’s no big deal. I’m going to do it more often.
Um, I’m feeling fine for the most part. I wish… for her.
